I have come to realize that some people are mentally immature; they are still in high school in life and think reporting someone’s bad character to their family equals to changing them. Stop reporting your boy or girlfriend to their parents, siblings, friends, etc. They are not the problem rather you. Dating means to study someone for marriage, not to change someone for marriage.
You can’t change people just because you love them. They rather can change themselves because they love you. If the one you are dating shows you their real character and you are not happy with it, talk to them about it, give them time to work on that. If with all the time, advice and effort, they are not changing for the better, it means they don’t love you and there is no need for reporting them to their loved ones.
What you really need is counselling if you are not sure you are doing the right thing, or you want to find out whether they are the right person for you or not, instead of trying to change them into the right person for you.
If the one you love sees the value of being with you, working on themselves and their character becomes easy for them. You wouldn’t need to convince them or force their loved ones to convince them to change for you.
If you have to let go of such a relationship, you don’t have to feel guilty for doing what is best for you. You don’t follow your feelings, you follow your future. It is surprising to know your mind tells you the truth; which is to let go but your heart still deceives you to hold on. In case you don’t know “The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful” – Jeremiah 17:9a (MSG).
You need to learn how to let go when the one you are studying does not have what you want in your spouse-to-be. It is a favour you do yourself by walking away when a connection you have for someone you are dating starts to fade. It is a blessing to leave someone who starts to mistreat you, lie to you and abuse you, rather than hoping for them to change.
It is a complete waste of time, energy and resource trying to fix what is not meant to be. Whilst one person doesn’t value you, there are tons waiting for the opportunity to love you better. Make the best of time and not waste out of time.
Stop expecting too much from dating, go into such relationships with the heart and mind to learn about people. Don’t settle because of a pretty face or a fat wallet. None of the above is permanent. Character is everything. A pretty face fades with time, a property may be destroyed, money may lose its purchasing power but character will always be in demand under all conditions.
You’ve got to give up not because you didn’t love but because you are tired of getting hurt. You want a marriage where you can look at your partner and smile, not one where the sight of your partner causes you to cry.
In conclusion “As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person” – Proverbs 27:19 (NLT).
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